there are times when parents need more flexibility, but is this fair?

The Question, from one of our customers:

We have a number of parents in our workforce and at this time of year, there are a lot of school commitments all happening at once; Christmas fairs, school plays and productions, accompanying kids on school trips to the panto - even things like winter viruses meaning kids are off sick more often. 

All of these commitments require us to be super flexible with parents, which we always are. In the past, the non-parents have been really understanding but this year, two new team members (who are not parents) have said that they think this seasonal hyper flexibility that we're showing for parents is unfair and they would like the same level of flexibility for themselves. 

One's job can be done entirely flexibly so that's not such an issue - but the other's role definitely requires them to be in the office at certain times. I also suspect that they are just saying it to prove a point, which I don't think shows team spirit or support for their colleagues - and to be honest it's annoyed me. 

How would you recommend I approach this situation? 

We put this question to our Collective of over 200 amazing Equity, Diversity and Inclusion experts and here is what they recommend:

OK, Hold my drink…

says Parent and carer strategy in the workplace expert Charlotte Speak

There are a few things I'd say with this one!

1. If you zoom out for a sec, and take out the festive period, is flexibility seen as a parent only issue / requirement in your organisation? If so, it's probably time to get some better PR for it because we all have reasons to want to access flexible working, not just for parenting or caring responsibilities. You could start sharing why different kinds of people are using flexible working beyond parents (remember confidentiality and people's boundaries of course).

2. The one with the less flexible role - perhaps it's a direct conversation with them about the brilliant impact they're having on the business and why their role is so essential. You could also explore with them what flexibility they might need and what can be accommodated to help them feel seen and included.

3. I can totally understand why it would annoy you too, and I don't want to ignore that! Having to deal with someone's behaviour when your personal values are being kicked is tough. Think about your own mindset before you go into any conversation here - sometimes beliefs aren't that deep, and we forget that we all need different types of support. I suspect that's what's going on with these two people taking umbrage with the seemingly 'unfair' situation - it could be a cry for more support.

Essentially, my advice would be to show why access to flex IS 'fair' and equitable, and remembering that we all have unique life set ups. They may not even need it now, but perhaps they will in the future. How would they feel if they were working with people who looked like they were making the work life blend even trickier than it already is?

what’s behind the reaction from non parents?

Asks Neurodiversity, Mental Health and Innovation expert, Solène Anglaret

This situation illustrates the difference between equity and equality. Equality means treating everyone the same way - giving everyone identical opportunities and resources. Equity means recognising and honouring differences by providing individuals with the specific support they need to achieve equal outcomes.

It's great the organisation is adopting an equitable approach and providing parents extra flexibility and support during this busy time. It would be beneficial to better understand what underpins the reaction of non-parents.

I'd recommend taking this as an opportunity to:
(1) Consult with both parents and non-parents about what flexible arrangements would be beneficial and meaningful for them
(2) Introduce a flexibility policy and related process, based on the outputs of the consultation, and ask for feedback before publishing it
(3) Upon launching the policy, take the opportunity to explain the difference between equity and equality, and remind everyone of the organisation's core values - including the importance of showing team spirit and support for colleagues
(4) Ensure the policy is available in multiple formats so it's fully inclusive and accessible
(5) Include the policy and related materials in the onboarding process for all new joiners

EDI consultant Gill Cooke agrees. Flexibility for everyone is very important. For some, Christmas is an important season, for others, it may be Ramadan, Diwali or Hanukkah - are you offering options for all? Or just parents? Communication is key, speak to your people about what flexibility they are after - is it just during this period or is it that they want to be offered the same flexibility but at a different time of year?

the non parents have a point…

Says gender equality expert, Virginia Mendez

I am a parent, and I can't help but think that the points being made by the non parents are valid.

Parents often face challenges in the workplace, particularly mothers, due to unconscious bias and because they are statistically the primary caregivers. However, the solution isn't necessarily to give parents extra flexibility, which could reinforce stereotypes and biases.
Instead, the goal should be to offer flexibility to everyone.

I think it's brilliant when companies offer hyperflexibility to parents - but they can only do so if their roles allow it. If the job requires them to be in the office at specific times — whether they are a parent or not — they would likely still need to be there. In such cases, I imagine the company would explain the reasons and the employee would likely understand, while also appreciating the flexibility that is offered within those boundaries.

The same policy should apply to non-parents. It’s only fair to impose limits when necessary, but when flexibility is possible, why not offer it — especially when others are receiving it?

We don't know what personal circumstances people might have, or why they may need or want that extra flexibility for, so if your company can afford it, I would suggest offering flexibility based on the possibilities of the role rather than solely on parental status (unless specific accommodations are needed for other reasons).

we don’t need to treat everyone the same

Says Co-Founder of For Working Parents, Amit Kalley.

I agree with Solène that we need to move away from equality and towards equity. What is flexible for me isn't necessarily flexible for you, and that's ok.

Rather than policies being fixated on the same treatment for all, they need to take into account the differing needs of employees. So at this time, flexibility might be important for parents, but at another time, that same flexibility can be applied to non-parents when they need it for something.

Let's move away from this idea that we have to treat everybody the same - we don't. We need to treat everybody fairly - and fairly can apply at different times of the year for different people.

I would expect work to be flexible when it comes to children and attending important events and a workplace that isn't flexible for this isn't a workplace of the future.

Each role is different and if your role allows for flexibility but your colleagues' doesn't, then why should it be an issue for you to actively use that flexibility? Your relationship with your children is so important and missing key dates (some might not be key for you but they will definitely be key for your children) can harm that relationship.

For colleagues where flexibility isn't as easy, I would say it's important to find ways that make the workplace easier and happier for them. What would work for them that would allow the equity I have mentioned and how could it be made possible? Yes, parents deserve flexibility, but non parents also deserve to be supported in ways that they require.

this is an opportunity

Says Gender Identity expert, Cynthia Fortlage

Once you pause and reflect, could you reframe this as an opportunity to assess how you communicate and implement flexibility for everyone fairly?

I’d start by defining flexibility clearly, for example:

“Flexibility is a shared value at our organisation. It’s based on operational needs and role requirements, not life stage or personal circumstances. Every team member deserves flexibility appropriate to their role. Fairness doesn’t mean everyone gets the same treatment; it means everyone gets the support they need to thrive.”

I’d then acknowledge the current challenge:
“We recognise this season can be challenging, especially for parents managing school and holiday activities. We aim to offer flexibility wherever possible.”
Reinforce shared values:
“Our goal is to foster a culture of mutual support. Flexibility is available to all employees, tailored to their roles and responsibilities.”
And encourage empathy:
“While parents may face specific challenges during this season, we want to ensure flexibility is used fairly and supports the whole team.”

I’d engage the concerned team members by inviting them into a conversation to understand their concerns:
“I’d like to understand what flexibility means to you and how we might address your needs fairly while maintaining team productivity.”

and I’d tailor my responses based on the role:
• For the fully flexible role: “Let’s formalise your flexibility to avoid confusion and ensure fairness.”
• For the office-dependent role: “Let’s explore small adjustments within the boundaries of your role that work for both you and the team. For office-based roles, flexibility may look different but should still reflect your unique circumstances.”

Can you create ongoing flexibility opportunities? Flexibility shouldn’t just be seasonal. Can you create opportunities for everyone to request adjustments that help them balance work and life throughout the year?

Why not introduce flexibility for all employees like personal admin days or ‘life days’ that anyone can use, with no explanation required?

Finally, model Inclusive Leadership by demonstrating empathy and inclusion. Flexibility and fairness are about fostering understanding and collaboration, not division. Invite your whole team to work together to meet everyone’s needs. This is also a great time to reinforce shared values with the team and remind them that by supporting one another, we ensure both individual and team success.

This approach uses inclusive language to address concerns constructively while promoting team cohesion and fairness for all employees.